- 1) Learn the three R's. Rules, rules, and rules.
2) Forget the rules. If it doesn't touch you in some way it's lost its purpose.
3) Photoshop is better than a Harley Street doctor and can cure all manner of ailments.
4) If you've just cut your subjects head off, neither photoshop nor all the kings horses and all the kings men can save it.
5) Everyone tells you to get the best, biggest, and most professional tripod you can afford. It's not enough. Just as essential is a nice cheap tiny one you can stick in your pocket and set-up anywhere for those days when you head off to work and really don't fancy carrying half your bodyweight on your back.
6) Half the people you'll meet on your day out will think you're a complete nutter they have to cross over the road to avoid. The other half will wish you "good day", smile, and return you to blissful memories of when the world was a friendlier, happier place.
7) You can only be a 'Pro' if you had to remortgage your house to pay for your camera and lenses.
8) Real 'pro's' don't even need a camera .. just a roll of 35mm film, 50 000 watts of backlighting, a rolled up newspaper to channel the light, and factor 35 suncream for any that goes astray.
9) Wildlife hates me. Taking out a camera is guaranteed to turn even the most densely populated habitat into a bleak, desolate, oasis.
10) Forget Ambrosia. The real 'drink of the Gods' is actually 'Bovril' and it comes best served with a cheese toastie that's been lightly sprinkled with Worcester sauce.
Anyone got any more?